always.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

ok. so the printer hates me or sth.
because, i helped my bro print his article and it was prefectly straight!!
what's wrong w u printer!!
lol. laming again.

anyway, the big thing is over!!!
and i feel horrigible(copyright of mr soh) LOL

seriously, if at the end of the day i dont get anything,
i wont b really sad abt it BUT i feel more guilty towards my dear fwens...

im like receiving "JIA YOU"s from everyone arh...
and from qiaowei to cheryl to YAWN to vvp, they all have been seriously encouraging and reassuring me all the while.

dont know what to do w/o them.
esp yawn.. who listened to my self interview ytd night, hence sacrificing her 8 o clock show and maths hw.. SO TOUCHED!! and from the start i said i want to try running till just now, she was always there comforting me, encouraging me and making me laugh like siao.. ahahaha.. ( hey twin, i think u make a better entertainer than me okay..)
yea, so yawn, i know this is mushy stuff but really love u~~~
so glad to have u by my side=)

and thanks qiaowei for keeping me mentally stable and giving me good tips..
i really appreciate having u with me all these while when waiting for the interview..thanks for the encouragements!=D

and thanks vvp who kept smsing me and comforting me..
haha.. that time u went for interview i oso nvr do so much for u..
so... ya lor.. vpp very touched=)

ya, and thanks cheryl, muscularpres, ham, vidhya n and vidhya c,karen, pingfang, jennings and ben and liya and everyone who said jiayou to me=D

lol. its supposedly not such a big thing because i really nvr hear anyone making it seem so big b4 LOL.
maybe its just me. ha.. how great lol.

but even if i dont get it, im really glad i have such wonderful peeps with me=D u'll nvr know how much i love u all=D

hahaha, and yay! yoping say s he doesnt rmb what i said abt the speech thing which made ppl think i suaning him.. dunno its good or bad but glad tt he's not bothered by it cuz i really think he is a very good leader=]

gtg pia physics le!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

k i got nth better to do..

hahaha...
feeling sian after looking at all the eqns and stuffs i dont understand..
hate this empty feeling..
sian..

ok.. so im being damn random now..

these are the forfeit videos of ben who got sabo-ed during the indian poker game on the bus journey

hahahahaha.. a bit diao thou =.=

Saturday, July 26, 2008

='[[[
IT"S OVER!!

and im feeling damn emo..
esp after reading jennings' post.
yah la.. its not like i know all the seniors(esp those leaving) very well..
it's not even lik ei know half of them very well but well, it's been a long journey..

eee... i feel my tear glands activated now..

but i shall continue.
haha..
yeah, i rmb how i first joined guitar.. it was more like a coincidence than intention. ham, wanying they all dragged me to the very first cca practice/orientation. then, i was stilling worrying if i should join guitar or photog since they clash..
i chose guitar because my friends are there and the seniors are really friendly and patient..

didnt bother to think too much back then..
so yea..
then i really reaelly enjoyed guitar sessions a lot because learning to play was really fun.. and jennings and chenxi were really patient with us.
haha..i rmb they will say" very good! u can play one bar by urself liao!" to me and ham while the rest are all like completing half the song..
haha.. cuz we not much music bg ma=(

another reason ham and i always look forward to guitar is because of yp and his funny moments which never failed to tickle us.. hahaha..

and those were the PAE times..

then ham left me alone!=(
so then comes the emo phase..
i stick a lot to wanying and then qiaowei
and most of the time, i felt like a loser.

cant play well and cant catch up with what ppl playing..
because the grp was so big.. i was kinda lost..
at some point of time, i really thought i wasnt made to play guitar.
but im glad my new found frens were there to teach me and yawn was there to tell me: " nobody started out as a pro.. if u practise hard enuf, u will make it"

=)

& i really practise real hard..
saddistically(if there is such a word at all), i actually enjoy seeing my fingers red and swollen after practising.
k, im weird.. dont BS me la.. but feeling the pain and seeing myself getting better rly makes me feel accomplished=)

so comes the concert prep season..
it was kinda challenging but i guess everyone is going thru tt so ya.. it kinda feels better(saddist me) lol...

besides being able to allow to give an excuse"ah i practise until midnight leh cher" whentcher ask for hw, i really DO ENJOY the late night practises..
haha... cuz its sth diff frm the old boring life..
heehee.. sometimes changes can b nice too=)

from the start of learning the parts of a guitar.. to actually learning to play.. to performing in the esplanade..
this short yet long journey is really full of ups and downs.

now tt its over.. im kinda sad (i bet everyone's too)
(im feeling damn emo now so things tt i may say later is gonna b mushy so ya.. pls click[x] if u cannot stand me liao-_=)

and i felt tt i would have been cmi w/o help from these ppl: jennings chenxi( being so patient and encouraging *thanks for not giveing up hope on me ahaha*)
seniors(a lot of them came to help us like amy shanshan tu etc..)
qiaowei!(who taught me a lot)
cheryl!(who encouraged me)
junior ensemble(for being so enthu=))
yawn<333(for always listening to me complaints n encouraging me like siao)
ham!(for encouraging muah=))
vvp(for encouraging muah w her animation-spammed animation)
pres(for giving insights)
yoping(for the patience kindness and enthusiasm )
friends who supported me in a way or another..
and parents for trying their best to come to support me but couldnt(it's ok cuzi still can spam u all at home till late night wahahahah)
ah, yes, and george for thinking tt my guitar is chio n im pro.LOL!

ya.. okay, it's not like im graduating or sth..
but yea.. im sad..
esp when i think abt.. yah.. its like yah.. so.. yah..
(ok nobody knows what im talking abt. fine.)

gonna miss many ppl..
gonna miss everything..
gonna miss some ppl..

gonna miss some some things tt happened

gonna regret tt somethings did not happen..

gonna miss someone..
gonna miss the chance of yadahing to yadah

gonna... stop sounding so code-ish n emo-ish.
=(

yup.. will blog abt the concert when im less emo.
din take any pics cuz phone no batt-_=

no more emo-ing!!!
argh.

tues got interview somemore.
the seocond interview in my entire life(oh man, the first one was a screwed up h3 star-_=) how nice.

dont know if i made the right choice.
dont know if i can make it.
dont know how im gonna survive.
dont know i can even be comparable to any of the excos..
dont even know if anyone can b ** **** ** **..

gonna miss it..

k k. STOP EMOING.
supposed to b damn happy cuz yawn n i were tourists for one day=)
love twins outings!!! =DDD
haha.. im psycho.. now feeling better..
yea! shall upload the twins photos soon( cuz i very sleepy liao zzz)

love guitar..
love u ppl..
nites=DD

flat n white is really a nice combi..
hard to come by
and yet i cannot treasure..

it gonna be gone soon.

and i will miss it.
=]

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

yes yes yes...
ahhhhhh...

tmr is the day!
the beginning of our esplanade concert
and the end of everything..

hmph...
gonna really miss these days..
somehow prepping for the concerts makes guitar sessions more meaningful and exciting..

=((

and yea.. after tmr..
its gonna end.
dont know what im going to do but there's really nth i can do.
i dont even know how i feel abt it..
maybe it was just an illusion..
again.

things are gonna change..
but they've always been ever-changing..

geez.. i sound like some psychologist suffering from depression or sth..

well, i guess i will just really enjoy myself a lot tmr
and be contented it has happened=)

there isnt a never-ending story in life.. so.. jie an shun bian lorh.
LOL.

haha... must take loads of pictures tmr..
even thou i always say tt sometimes im still lazy to take..
see my mood la..
lol

anyway, thankew fiona n cheryl n audrey who are going..
man, they are the only ppl whom i know are going..
poor muah~

lol...
haix.. better get going before mum starts talking abt my grades again =X

*cant figure how what is this kind of feeling: a mixture of happiness and pain.. a pinch of sour and some tenderness.. but overall warm and nice and fuzzy=)*

im weird-_=

GUITAR JIA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

music is life
GUITAR IS LOVE

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

i've a blister on my thumb
and the skin's peeled off
eposing some raw flesh or new skin
and its damn pain!

cant play well with a plaster on my thumb
cant even type properly=(

havent finish bio va
havent finish EOM
havent finish studying for chem

dont know how to BAR
and yp just informed us there's some guitar technique test for exco election
(not like i can get in in the first place)

just got dao-ed for the whole bus journey
just got dao-ed and had to watch ther person dao-ing me chat away merrily with someone else.

someone just reminded me of my grades.

im such a failure..

Sunday, July 13, 2008

haha!
finally got my pics!!!

but wheres the one with us and him???
=( someone nvr upload for me=(

Saturday, July 12, 2008

the concert's over!!!!
(at least the LT5 one lahh)

yeshhhh, pomp! and its over=((

finally Truly understood the meaning of ten years worth of training, ten mins on stage(translate: tai shang shi fen zhong, tai xia shi nia gong)

haha.. really sad tt its over la.. cuz it was so shuang these days practising till 9 plus AND the concert ROCKS!!! (cuz of me!)

haha no la.. just really enjoyed the moments when we were performing..
haha, and when ppl called my name, it was like DAMN SHUANG LA.

lol. ok very byl,
but really heartfelt thanks to all my frens who came!!!
( dashen mx yanru hansen matthew pH HAM brena mascularpres vvp etc..)

thanks for coming to support muah and thanks for being so enthu!!
felt damn touched when i saw you all la=)
and thanks for the flowers..
okay i do feel very byl now cuz i was the one who requested for the flowers...
wahahahahaha~

oh well, quote from da shen: " sometimes u have to ask in order to get what u want wad.."

hahahahaha~

haix.. i love my frens!!! love you all~~~
was so happy and suprised when they went to find me during intermission la..
haha..
they were so high (and a bit on the verge of turning insane)tt they attract many unwanted attention..
but tt's OKAY~

and Ph knew how to play guitar!!
i really really tot he was a music idiot or sth..
because once upon a time, i asked him what music he listened to and he said: i dont listen to music.
-_=

he really surprised me!
and plus now he is officially my new jiemei tao.
cuz i only give hugs to jiemei taos-_-
oh ya!dashen seemed to be interested in him!!
hahahaaha~ indirectly using the econs-teacher-excuse to ask for his no. hor~?
it's ok.. i'll give it to u dashen!

hahaha..
there was only one thing tt didnt make me shuang at first was their horribly loud yelling of "** ****!"
that sent him rushing towards us.

i was like OMG.
shit. and yesh, he came and yesh i couldnt hide.
had no choice but to take a VERY RANDOM PIC WITH HIM.
i really din know what to do so i randomly gave him one of my many bouquets.
its damn random and embarrassing and awkward(at least i think so!)
and then after pH took a pic w him, things werent tt bad
UNTIL I REALISE pH TOOK THE BOUQUET BACK FROM him!!!!

argh. "we give u de flowers how can u anyhow give others"
that was so damn embarrassing and stupit..

dunno if ** **** will BS me in future la..
but nvm, both mx n dashen agreed he will b shuang abt it-_=
(crap la, later he get the wrong idea how-_=)

then after some random comments from mascularpres, who suggested i should thank my frens because i may nvr get such a chance again, i felt better.

k lor.

if not for my random pals, i may nvr take tt pic la..
so, thanks for calling him here-_-
anyway i do want the photo hor! hehehe..

( i still cant get over it though, ten random ppl yelling for ****** and almost yell for ?? I MUST FIND THE MASTERMIND someday.. muahahaha)

yep.
the concert rocks not just because of us(NJ guitar) but also because of you guys!!!
really thanks for giving me so much face(lol) and thanks for all the flowers! i felt like a star man! lol~ thanks for all the funny and stoopit moments! I LOVE YOU ALLL!!!!!!

p.s. yawn said tt backstage was not good. the ensemble a bit soft.
BUT she said~~~~ YP is very entertaining! and like the whole concert is his alone.. WOW.. plus, she said she really anticipated moments when he turn ard to bow!
see.. i tell u he very very very pro and fwanny liao~ haha!

huggs n kisses~

music is life
guitar is LOVE

anyone wants to set up a xiaoyun fan club?=P

Thursday, July 10, 2008

tmr is the day!

yea, for all those attending our GRAND guitar concert tmr=)
pls be seated by 7pm sharp oh.. and rmb its LT5(a.k.a ngee ann kong si performing arts theatre)

these few days were reakky damn tiring for me,
and im sure it is the smae for the rest of the members=)

even so, i myself really enjoyed these days a lot
and im really excited about tmr!
=)

haha.. that kind of twisted feeling in my stomach..
dunno its good or bad..
but i really hope tmr we'll b as high as we were ytd night!

i love guitar!!!!!!
and my frens!!!(both performing and watching)haha
=)))
its like the only thing i thoroughly sincerely enjoy these days..

even thou red(a.k.a xiaoming) may not be with me tmr,
im still very happy!!!!

njguitar rocks!!!!
and i think yoping is the best conductor i've ever seen=P

jia you njGUITar!

music is life
guitar is LOVE

Monday, July 07, 2008

omg. couldnt believe i just did.

-Low mood for most of the day, nearly every day. Things always seem 'black'.

-Loss of enjoyment and interest in life, even for activities that you normally enjoy.

-Abnormal sadness, often with weepiness.

-Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or uselessness.

-Poor motivation. Even simple tasks seem difficult.

-Poor concentration. It may be difficult to read, work, etc.

-Sleeping problems:
sometimes difficulty in getting off to sleep.
sometimes waking early and unable to get back to sleep.
sleeping too much sometimes occurs.

-Lacking in energy, always tired.

-Difficulty with affection, including going off sex.

-Poor appetite and weight loss. Sometimes the reverse happens with comfort eating and weight gain.

-Irritability, agitation, or restlessness.

-Symptoms often seem worse first thing each day.

-Physical symptoms such as headaches, palpitations, chest pains, and general aches.

-Recurrent thoughts of death. This is not usually a fear of death, more a preoccupation with death and dying. Some people get suicidal ideas such as ..."life's not worth living".

In general, mild depression means that you have some of the symptoms listed above, but are still able to cope reasonably well with normal activities. For example, you may still be able to do your normal job, and get by with household chores, but perhaps with difficulty.

i seriously think i have it or if not it is really what everyone who go to JC goes thru.
ZZZzzzZzzz.. esp the "poor motivation.poor concentration. lacking in engery part."

IM SIAN!!!!!!!

-_-

*maths VA
*bio VA
*EOM
*concert
*chem
*failing maths failing chem failing phys failing everything!

i suck.

credits:(lol!)http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068720/

Friday, July 04, 2008

today i received the biggest shock of my life.
(okay, my life is miserable and bland)

couldnt believe i did so "well" for my cts..
nvr in my life had i flunked so well!

i knew i didnt really put in a lot of effort, especially due to the month-long holiday and my uberslack attitude these days, so maybe i really do deserve grades that suck.

but not this much.

i dont care if others try to comfort me by saying "everyone else is failing" because its not true.
and i doesnt make me feel better.

i hate myself, really.
i deserved to be looked down.
i deserved to be humiliated by "take"
i deserved to get slap by my parents though i doubt they still adopt such stupid way of punishment.
there's no need for any reprimanding or whatsoever,
i do feel horrible enough.

(p.s. im not gonna reveal my results. dont want to embarass myself and my frens-_-)

*i suck*

anyway, i've learnt sth abt myself these few days..
i do have PMS AND, even though i like slacking,
i hate it.

even though i hate sch, i actually liked it.
because sch gave me a reason to wake up every morning.
(that is when i have no motivation such as s*H, unlike last time)
It gives me a purpose in life,
a sense of responsibilty,
and i like it (intuitively)

it is reallt tempting to just stay at home and slack
but because of those few days(after cts), i started to get more and more depressed each day. i did really a lot of thinking and started to get more and more paranoid. i get the feeling life is really boring as it grew ever so sickening each day.

there was such an emptiness in me..
especially when i start to think about my granparents...

but after getting back to sch, even though with guitar (which i had a lot to catch up) and stuff, i enjoyed it.
occassion problems tt popped up made resting time , slacking times and weekends more attractive...

really enjoyed guitar a lot and the tiredness it gave me actually contributes to satisfaction i get after each practice.
enjoy the sheer pleascure of playing w gd frens and friendly peers..

but.. sometimes we still have to face the fact tt the world is not perfect, there are the facades and the complications..which i'venvr comprehend..

im such a childish and naive person...
still believing in idealism..
still hoping tt the world is kind..
and still hoping everything in life happens for a good reason..

still hoping one day i could find agape=)

thnks to xm for understanding my feeling lah.
and thkns to all who are attending the njGUitaR concert!!
haha~ 15 ppl bought my tix!!

*p.p.s. the **** is shit.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

love my blog song.
its so damn emo and nostalgic like how i feel.

haha.
this The Call from Chronicles of Narnia: PRince Caspian

before i had came across this movie on channel 5,
i thought it was just another ulu and strange movie watched by all the weird ppl reading this book.
(because the name make no sense to me at all actually. at least Harry Potter is a person's name or sth)

and yea..
when i finally got to watch it,
from channel 5, i really fell in love with it!

from it plotline to the WOW animation, i really enjoyed it all.
but what i liked the most,
is the imagination it brought back to me,
the "there's a another world behind my wardrobe" or " my teddy bear speaks at night" sort of fantasies..

really cool.
and i like it!

its creative. its full of life and action..
its not boring.. like what i am now.

but then again,
as what SUsan(from the movie) said: boring is safe.

dont agree!

*shit i think i have mild depression according to some survey qns printed on zao bao or sth*
*sometimes i do feel hopeless abt my life.
sometimes i feel hopeless abt this world
sometimes i just feel that everything sucks.

but then again, PMS is still sth tt controls my feelings all the time-_=